💩shitcoin.blog

TL;DR A severe winter storm forced US bitcoin miners to cut operations, pushing the network’s hashrate, output, and miners’ margins to their lowest levels in months. The whole 9 yards of 💩 I’m The Royal Flush, your snarky correspondent from the front lines of crypto weather forecasting. If you think Bitcoin’s fate lives or dies on the latest price move, you’re missing the real drama: the electrical grid, the weather, and a bunch of gearheads who treat electricity like a sport. CryptoQuant just dropped a headline that sounds alarming in a very precise way: Bitcoin hashrate down 12% in the worst drawdown since the China mining ban. A brutal winter storm in the United States forced miners to throttle back, and that, in turn, pulled hashrate, output, and miner margins to their weakest levels in months. Welcome to the quarterly mood swing, friends. Hashrate is the network’s horsepower, the raw number of hash attempts per second that keep the Bitcoin machine churning. Yes, it’s not...

TL;DR Glassnode data indicate large bitcoin holders are accumulating, while retail investors are continuing to distribute their holdings, signaling divergent behavior between institutions accumulating supply and retail selling. The whole 9 yards of 💩 Retail traders are sprinting for the exits as bitcoin wobbles through another selloff, and yes, the drama has all the subtlety of a soap opera on fast-forward. Meanwhile, the so-called mega-whales are quietly loading the cannon for the next dip, which is exactly the kind of quiet, deliberate money move that makes market nerds like me perk up and then squint at the price charts like a detective with a magnifier. If you thought crypto was a simple “buy low, sell high” game, you’re either new here or you’ve been binge-watching the wrong conspiracy theories. The data, as ever, keeps things honest in its own nerdy way: Glassnode data shows large bitcoin holders accumulating, while retail remains in distribution. What the numbers are a...

TL;DR Ether declined sharply, dropping to 56th in market cap, which stayed just above $300 billion, after a 14.5% loss in value. The whole 9 yards of 💩 The Royal Flush reporting from the front lines of the crypto casino: Bitcoin has somehow fallen out of the global top 10 by market capitalization after prices dumped below 80,000. Yes, the granddaddy of digital money took a coffee break right when the leaderboard got bored and rearranged itself like a hacker-friendly Jenga tower. If you blinked, you missed the part where the price squeaks past a round-number and the entire market cap universe re-calculates who’s “in” and who’s just along for the ride. Spoiler: it’s not a death spiral, it’s a rebalancing act with a very loud soundtrack. Ether didn’t just stand there sipping tea during this chaos. It also declined significantly, dropping to 56th place with a market cap just above $300 billion and taking a 14.5% haircut in value. If you were hoping for a calm afternoon in the land ...

TL;DR Long-term bitcoin holders are selling at the fastest pace since August, and some industry observers suggest the market may be nearing a bear-market bottom. The whole 9 yards of 💩 Bitcoin just broke a key support level, and the chorus of gloomy takeaways is louder than a GPU fan in a data-center during an a.m. leak test. Glassnode—yes, the on-chain oracle that loves turning a data point into a narrative—is warning of more price downside. If you’ve built your thesis around “Bitcoin never goes down,” congratulations: you’ve learned nothing about risk assessment and everything about wishful thinking. If you’ve built a thesis around “Bitcoin is dead,” well, you’ve stayed consistent with your own selective memory. Either way, welcome to the messy middle, where headlines drool and charts spit back nuance with the enthusiasm of a crypto influencer at a coffee shop grand opening. Let’s unpack what “breaking key support” actually means, because the jargon is impressively dramatic u...

TL;DR Bitcoin social sentiment turned sharply negative after the price fell to its lowest since November 21. Santiment notes such bearish chatter often signals capitulation, even as near-term trading remains volatile and uncertain. The whole 9 yards of 💩 By The Royal Flush Bitcoin is back in the theatre of emotions, and the script hasn’t changed one iota: fear is loud, price is hovering under 83,000, and the internet’s chorus is doing its best impression of a panic-induced choir. The data-crunchers over at Santiment are calling this a fear-sentiment peak for 2026, a headline that practically writes itself: when the crowd gets loud with dread and the price can’t find its footing, capitulation begins to look possible. And yes, that setup—fear plus a choppy tape—often appears just before a bounce. Or, you know, another leg down. The market loves to keep us guessing. There’s a certain savage clarity in a chart that confirms what the rumor mill has been whispering: social chatter ar...

TL;DR Bitcoin slid toward $83,000 as the U.S. entered a partial government shutdown, with traders adopting a defensive posture ahead of a House vote anticipated on Monday. The whole 9 yards of 💩 The Royal Flush here, and yes, I’m going to pretend I’m not staring at a clock that’s half broken, a government that can’t seem to agree on a coffee order, and a Bitcoin price that’s behaving like a caffeinated raccoon in a math lab. The headline is real: Bitcoin slid toward 83,000 bucks as the U.S. government hit a partial shutdown clock, and markets braced for a messy Monday with a House vote looming like a cliffhanger Netflix forgot to pay for. Ether didn’t exactly throw a party either, dragging its tail in the same defensive mood. If you’re hoping for calm seas, you’re not reading the room—you’re reading the newsroom that can’t decide if it’s a tax bill or a tweetstorm today. So what’s really happening here, beyond the doom-and-gloom stock photos of fed-up traders staring at screens...

TL;DR A SpaceX and Tesla deal would consolidate one of the world’s largest corporate bitcoin holdings under a single roof. The whole 9 yards of 💩 SpaceX-Tesla merger chatter is the kind of rumor that makes you squint at the stock ticker and wonder who forgot to file their coffee. The latest whisper loops back to a frankly tantalizing detail: a deal between the private rocket company and the public carmaker could quietly lock together one of the world’s largest corporate bitcoin holdings under one roof. We’re not talking about a hobbyist’s crypto portfolio here—we’re talking about nearly 20,000 bitcoins, sitting there like a shiny, don’t-touch-it trophy on the corporate shelf. If this merger ever actually lands, the crypto world will finally have a single, consolidated anchor point that could make regulators reach for their calculators and investors reach for a stiff drink. Let’s unpack what that would mean in plain-English: one treasury, one governance policy, one risk framew...